Reawakening

As is sit here starting my research, seeing if there is even enough valuable information out there to support my concept, I’m driven towards what I want. Having suffered trough my previous course I felt like I was lacking. I felt like maybe I hadn’t selected the right degree, or plan of action. Right now I’m drawing the bow back, aiming as some far off point that becomes a little clearer then a little duller and repeats. Working for small businesses again has become my greatest educator, even more than my university on the average day. Maybe that’s because I’m still in the pre-requisites, maybe that’s because these small businesses have so much to teach me.

I love the idea of opening my own business. Yet I wouldn’t have given it a second thought until recently. Unless someone else held the reigns there would be too much fear on my part. Now, I fear another dead end job, and my own sloth like nature more.

Sadly convincing myself to return to the small business I work primarily for is more daunting. I want to take it over; I want to correct the turns that have steered this business off track. Some days I want to start from scratch. I have to coach myself; it’s not my business, it’s not my money; and opening another of this small business would just injure both at this point. This is a rant I did not intend to go down as I started to write.

The second small business I’ve been working with sounds amazing and looks even better on paper. This business venture is run by a serial entrepreneur and has the potential to be a great success. Here I feel like the steps are being taken too slowly, or in the wrong order. There is drive and passion, there is determination, and there is caution. The determination and caution are butting heads. They are two rams charging at each other repeatedly; one day one wins, the next the other. I struggle to sit back and do my part when my part is going back on what I say so often. All of this is driving me to desire to be my own boss more than anything.

I need to take a step back because investing myself in these two ventures has distracted me from my own. I’m electing to write my argumentative research paper on something I’m passionate about, something that my or may not have the sources I need.   I know that I need to write this paper on this subject I care so much about to further pull back my arrow. I need this to reignite my drive.